Week 9: Namaste Bitches!!

After 9 weeks, 89 classes, 356 triangle postures, 1,958 savasanas, and 1,068 Bikram sit-ups training is over. Our final class was bittersweet, well mostly sweet . . there were smiles, cheers, tears . . . and lots of sweat. The graduation ceremony was long but bearable as most people left the ballroom once their name was called and they had their picture taken with Bikram. The last week was filled with excitement and anticipation regarding graduation and the thought of heading home to see missed family and friends and, of course, to teach the monumental first class. It was a week filled with lots of loooong lectures from Bikram and consecutive late nights so there was little sleep to be had. However, at that point, everyone was running off of pure adrenaline. I spent as much time as possible with my friends from my beloved group, about which I haven't blogged too much surprisingly since they are the most important thing I will take away with me from my training . . well them and the $11,000 piece of paper authorizing me to teach Bikram Yoga. My group, Group 4, played an integral role in my training experience and I will truly never forget each and every group member. Prior to training I had heard about how important the group bond is throughout training but I never could have imagined how significant a role that bond would play in my own TT experience. Although all groups will say it, ours was definitely the BEST group! LOL. Our group camaraderie was evident from the beginning as friendships formed during the first few posture clinics. We supported each other through each dialogue delivery, through each struggle, blunder and success, through laughter and tears and through some pretty wild homework assignments. We bonded during group outings to Santa Monica for dinner, the beach for dialogue practice and the farmer's market for wholesome food and live entertainment. We hugged and cried after the final spine twisting posture and cheered, well screamed, for each other as our name was called by senior teacher Jim Kallet and we received our certificates from Bikram. We sat together during the post-ceremony reception and many of us enjoyed our first cocktail in 9 weeks together later that night. We documented these events in as many pictures as our cameras would allow and have remained in touch via our Group Four Facebook page . . . I am truly blessed to have ended up in such a wonderful group with such special people . . .
As for some other elements of the final TT week, I saw Rory for the first time in 70 days . . he made it to graduation in plenty of time and met up with Katie who took a bus down from Santa Barbara. The three of us shared a room in the Radisson and then rented a car and headed to Santa Barbara for dinner on the water and live reggae music by Soul Majestic. It was a great two days and Rory and I made it back down to LAX to see the end of the U.S./Jamaica Gold Cup soccer game . . sadly, the U.S. won and we were heartbroken for Jamaica. Before we knew it, it was time to board the plane for New York . . and I couldn't have been happier. I took class at Bikram Yoga Grand Central on Monday night from Kyoko who wrote my recommendation letter for training. It was a great class but felt slightly awkward since I had grown accustomed to practicing in the large ballroom with chandeliers and 430 or so other people . . it was the same 26 postures but it felt vastly different . . but it felt good to be back. As far as my first class, I will likely be teaching at BYGC once I return from Germany and Switzerland on July 10 . . I will blog about that experience of course. Now I'm off to study dialogue in the park as this is only the beginning of a long journey and I will be studying dialogue for the remainder of my teaching career . . Namaste Bitches!!!

Week Eight: 'Trust the Process'

Throughout the past 8 weeks we have been bombarded with a plethora of information covering everything from Karma Yoga to fascia to the name for the lateral curvature of the spine (scoliosis, btw). We have learned about the 5 sections of the spine, about niyamas and yamas (do's and don'ts, fyi), and about how to handle difficult students in the yoga room. We have heard lectues on challenges encountered when opening your own studio, on the importance of locking one's knee and on dorsiflexion of the foot. We have performed the '26 and 2' almost 90 times and attended numerous posture clinics with our beloved groups. We have endured countless late nights/early mornings watching Bollywood films and have pressed snooze on our alarms time and time again. We have spent our Saturdays, perhaps, taking the makeup class or, perhaps, riding the Bikram shuttle to Trader Joe's for groceries which we would later strategically squeeze into our miniature refrigerators. We have filled and re-filled our water bottles in the bathtub, draped our washed yoga "costume" over furniture in our rooms and waited patiently in the long line for coffee or tea before a night lecture. A lot has happened over the previous 56 days and consistently, through it all, we have been told to "Trust the Process". The significance of this phrase cannot be underestimated as it defines how we should react, or not react, to the circumstances that arise throughout TT. According to this phrase, we should breathe, relax, not dwell or panic and simply "Trust the Process" that has been proven successful at the 38 previous BYTT's (at least this is my interpretation). Initially, I doubted the "process' and disagreed with many of its elements (ie, sleep deprivation). However, I have realized that everything here has a purpose and a place in the training. We leave our family and friends, travel from our respective homes to live in a small hotel room with, usually, a total stranger for 9 weeks. We take 11 classes per week in a room typically heated to a temperature well above the "standard" for Bikram yoga and which often lasts well over the usual 90 minutes. We are kept awake until 2, 3, 4 a.m., deprived of sleep that is normally critical to our performance in the yoga room. We attend lecture after lecture, participate in posture clinic after posture clinic, and memorize approximately 40 pages of copywrighted text (aka "The Dialogue") in an extremely short amount of time. We are allotted very limited free time to communicate with the outside world. We are obligated to follow this schedule, to obey the rules, including no alcohol consumption for the duration and "no touchy touchy, no kissy kissy and no fucky fucky", and to sign in for every class and lecture or take a makeup class. And through it all we are told to "Trust the Process", to believe that everything we are going through will make us strong, compassionate and effective Bikram Yoga teachers in the end. Each element of the training, each requirement, and each rule plays an integral role in the "process", although it may take 9 weeks (or more) to recognize this. Essentially, we are broken down and have to maintain a demanding schedule and practice twice daily in this state. In the process, we rely on the people around us who were mere strangers just weeks before for support and encouragement as we are all going through the same thing and encountering the same challenges. The objective behind all of this is to instill in us the capacity to empathize with and demonstrate compassion for our students who come to us with "junk bodies, screw loose brains and lost souls". We will, presumably, be capable of understanding the difficulties confronted by our students in class, whether they have trouble kicking out in standing head to knee or can barely grab their heels in padahastasana, because we have been there. This compassion is extended to the various circumstances with which our students are dealing - fatigue, relationship troubles, problems at the office or a myriad of other personal challenges. We can empathize because we have taken class when exhausted, cranky, sore, injured, sick, missing our home and families, and, basically, broken. The late nights serve to allow us to spend more time with our guru, Bikram, and to create memories with our fellow trainees, as well as simply create fatigue with which we have to perform and practice with the following days. The constant signing in and demanding schedule serves to train us to be punctual so that when we are teachers we appreciate the importance of arriving on time, even if we are teaching the 5:30 a.m. class. I do recognize the significance of the various elements of the process and I am gaining trust for it . . . I think once I am teaching and realize that I do, indeed, know the dialogue then I will truly "Trust the Process" . . .

Week Seven: The Boss's 'Worst Class Ever'

Seven weeks of BYTT are complete. Seventy-one classes done (I missed 6 for my ear infections and took 1 make-up class to compensate). Twenty-six postures have been delivered in posture clinics. Two Anatomy exams have been taken. And countless lectures covering everything from the digestive system to what is yoga to fascia have been attended. There have been many memorable moments here at training up to this point . . . some I would rather forget but mostly those which I hope never to. The most memorable class yet was taught last night by Bikram himself and it came after a very physically and mentally challenging week yoga-wise. Had I known that class was going to be as unbearable as it was I would certainly have drank way more water throughout the day and definitely would have brought more into class with me. Bikram taught not just the trainees but approximately 120 additional people who are here to re-certify, which is mandatory every 3 years after one's initial training. This brought the number in the hot room up to almost 600 people (and with it the heat and humidity) and made for a mat-to-mat class in all directions. In addition, although I don't know the actual temperature, it had to be over 120 degrees. These conditions were exacerbated by Bikram's usual, but especially so, feisty approach to teaching (for lack of a less PC word) . . he was full of criticism regarding our practice and accusations about our collective inability to remain vertical on our mats and to remain in the room at all. Not to mention we had spent more time on our yoga mats over the previous three days than in our beds due to one 1:45 a.m. night and one 4:30 a.m. night following. And finally, add to this the fact that the class lasted an insufferable 2 hours, also usual for Bikram but not for Bikram Yoga classes in general, which last for 90 minutes by definition. In sum, this was one effin' hard a-- class. The re-certs were droppin' like flies from the beginning (along with many trainees too, I will add), most likely because they are not used to the heat the way we are and have not been practicing twice a day for 7 weeks the way we have. They also have not been practicing with Bikram himself the way we have over the past 49 days. By the time the balancing series was over people were escaping the room and by savasana in between the standing series and floor series there was a mass exodus of both re-certs and trainees who could no longer tolerate the conditions. From my space on the carpet I witnessed at least 7 people being carried out and, when leaving the room at the end of class, my roommate saw numerous people vomiting. Although I personally feel that it was hotter in our very first class at TT, I must say that this class was by far the most physically and mentally daunting class so far. Just the fact that the energy in the room was dragged down by the number of people sitting down and leaving made it immensely challenging. Bikram himself announced that it was the 'worst class' he ever taught (most likely an attempt to motivate us but it was met with overwhelming and quite humorous applause by the trainees and re-certs). I must say that, not only did I stay in the room, but I miraculously managed to perform every posture (this cannot be said for the first class at TT). So, even if the Boss was disappointed in our performance in his 'Torture Chamber' I am relatively pleased with myself. The 'Worst Class Ever' was one of my best ever, which I can say now as I'm hydrated, rested, dry, relaxed and far from the 'Torture Chamber'.

Week Six Yo!

Another week is behind us at BYTT. It entailed not only the usual 11 classes but also enough posture clinics to cover five postures and two lectures on Fascia (please don't ask me to elaborate on the latter, after nearly 6 hours of lecture on the topic I am still a bit unclear as to what exactly it is). This week I came out of my Week 5 Funk only to find that I am still utterly terrified of getting in front of 40 or so people to deliver posture dialogue. Again, my homework was to get out of my comfort zone, release from my "shell" and to get out of my own head. Specifically, I was assigned the task of delivering Locust pose as a gangster rapper. When practicing this posture in my room I barely could get the dialogue straight as myself never mind in character as a thug but I was a good sport and, when delivering, threw in some 'biothes' and 'yo's' and 'sheeeeeit' after the lines to enhance my delivery and fulfill my required homework assignment. I was probably beet red while doing so but it got a laugh out of my group. I was certainly out of my comfort zone but whether it achieved the goal of permanently bringing me out of my own head while delivering remains to be seen.
Although Bow Pose did not go as I would have preferred I ended the week with strong deliveries of Fixed Firm and Half Tortoise. I attribute this partially to the fact that these postures are slower and I didn't feel pressured to spit out all the lines as quickly and energetically as the previous four from the spine-strengthening series but also to the fact that I am actually starting to not give a s---t anymore about what I look like up there. I suppose this is, indeed, 'getting out of my own head' . . .
Week 7 promises to be drastically different than Week 6 as Bikram is back from his travels and will undoubtedly be keeping us up until the wee hours watching Bollywood films. This means that the pressure of delivering our memorized dialogue lines will be exacerbated by sleep deprivation and added fatigue from the harder and hotter classes that Bikram will surely teach this week. The temperature rise in the hot room and the time we spend horizontal under the covers will fall. So, although we have only three weeks left, some of the most challenging classes and moments await us in Weeks 7-9. All I can say is "Bring it, biotch!"

H2Overdose

64 ounces per every 24 hours is the daily recommended dose of water for the "average" person. A little more if you drink coffee, tea, soda or alcohol, of course and definitely more if you exercise. That sounds about right. Rarely do people actually fulfill this recommended prescription though. But, we all love a nice ice cold glass of agua now and then, right? Well, here at training, you had better love it . . a lot. Staying hydrated has been a major theme here at BYTT and rightly so. Practicing twice a day in temperatures of 110 and higher can really drain one of vital nutrients, electrolytes and moisture. In order to maintain proper hydration and electrolyte balance, the staff at training has urged us to drink 5+ liters of water throughout the day (more or less depending on our personal needs and weight), to put salt, lemon, sugar and/or honey in our water to replace nutrients lost through sweat, and to consume copious amounts of coconut water and Gatorade as well. That's a lotta liquid. On a daily basis, it feels as though I am drinking some beverage at all moments and if I'm not I'm in the bathroom peeing. In sum, I'm in H2Overdose. Which one also has to be careful of as well because drinking too much water can flush the nutrients right out your system and deplete you of energy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. The effects of too much water (or simply a really hard class) hit me last week when I returned to my room after morning class and literally projectile vomited nothing but water all over my hotel floor (your loving this visual image I'm sure). That was a less than pleasant experience (as was explaining to my roommate, who was in the shower at the time, why there was a towel spread out across the hotel room floor). Ah, just another day at BYTT . . but I definitely learned my lesson regarding consuming too much water.
One beverage I haven't sacrificed through all this is my morning coffee. I generally don't check e-mail, put my contacts in or even open my eyes fully until I have my morning cup of jo and I wasn't planning on altering that routine for training. As mentioned in a previous post, I purchased an inexpensive coffee maker from the local CVS just to facilitate my morning java addiction. Some mornings, after having watched the a Hindi film with Bikram until 3 a.m., it is my saving grace. Of course, that also means more water to balance out the dehydrating effect of my coffee. I can live with that.
However, I, like all of the other trainees have sacrificed one type of beverage throughout this training: alcohol. Initially, I must admit, I thought it would be tough not enjoying an ice cold beer or soothing glass of wine for 63 days. However, I have not even thought about imbibing since I arrived and am not even tempted to do so . . . after all, doing so would just mean drinking more water and, like I said, I'm already in H2Overdose.

Week Five Funk

Today is the first day of Week 6 but I have yet to post a blog entry for Week 5 partially because it was a less than stellar week for me and partially because my weekend was consumed by studying the spine strengthening series . . so here goes . . . all in all I had a rough week. I fell behind in postures and had to scramble to learn Tree and Toe the same day I delivered them which ended up being a bit of a debacle. I got the demonstrators in and out of the posture and hit some of the actual dialogue but overall I was dissatisfied with my performance. My homework from the previous posture clinic had been to go "over the top" . . to "get out of my comfort zone" and, specifically to add some body movements to the words in Tree Pose and Toe Stand, one that resembled Elvis's hip gyrating dance moves. Now, I'm generally an outgoing person when I am confident and comfortable and amongst friends but when I'm in a new group of strangers I tend to be less so. The very thought of shoving my hips forward obnoxiously while delivering the dialogue was enough to catapult me into my shell for good here at training . . of course, I could also have used it as an opportunity to bring me out of that shell and take it for what it was, a silly assignment from posture clinic that, at the end of the day, no one would remember anyway. Had I been confident in the posture's dialogue I probably wouldn't have minded embellishing my delivery with an over the top hip pulsating move but feeling the way I was I was not into it. Anyway, that was that but it was the "highlight" of a week in which I was feeling over it all already. I was missing Rory . . a lot . . along with my family, my apartment and New York in general. I also have a lot of other things on my mind, like starting the PhD program in a new place in the fall and worrying about my husband finding employment in Colorado. The yoga has actually been my saving grace throughout this whole experience. It has been the one constant in a situation in which we never know what our schedule entails or what's coming next . . Posture clinic or lecture? Who will teach class? Will there be a movie until 2:30 a.m.? How hot will the room be? With all of these unknowns it is nice to have the 26 and 2 to rely on (26 postures, 2 breathing exercises) as stable factors. However, in my Week Five Funk, I grew to resent even the yoga. I found it hard to push myself in Half Moon which usually provides me with the energy and motivation for the remainder of class. All of this is normal, of course, and I'm neither surprised nor upset with myself for being human and feeling less than exuberant about the yoga and about dialogue delivery. This week I am going to work on letting go of my perfectionism a bit and aiming to do the best I can within the time frame I have. That is all I can ask of myself. So with my Week Five Funk behind me I begin Week 6 this morning . . .with a smile;)

All Ears

A mid-week blog is definitely not my norm as my schedule barely allowed for time to call my husband today on our anniversary, but c

Power Nap 101

Week 4 is behind us and one survival skill that I have yet to master is the art of the powernap. Ah those oh-so-necessary, 15-20 minute cat naps that serve the dual function of providing relaxation and powering us through the next arduous task ahead of us. One can imagine that the ability to powernap is as necessary as a good yoga mat around here these days and it's true. However, while my roommate seems to be able to doze off in increments as small as 10 minutes and then pop out of bed refreshed and rejuvenated, I, on the other hand, fall into deep REM sleep in seconds complete with animated dreams and drool and when awoke look like I have luggage for a trip to Europe under my eyes and enough sleeping lines on my face and body that one might think a train plowed through my bed. I usually awake from a powernap with confusion regarding what day it is and have even run around my room frantically trying to determine whether the time is a.m. or p.m. and what the date is from fear that I missed class, lecture or posture clinic. Meanwhile, when my roommate wakes up from her dabbles in sleep she calmly continues on to the next task ahead of her with grace and dignity. The bottom line is if I'm down, I'm good for an easy 2 hour period and no less. Unfortunately, our schedule at BYTT simply doesn't afford me the luxury of sneaking in a 2-hour doze here and there which is why I had better learn quickly how my roommate's head hits and leaves the pillow all within 12 minutes flat. Sure she requires an alarm to jar her out of her zzzz's but I require a crowbar to pry my eyes open and a double espresso to return my brain back to normal operation. But, today is Sunday and even though I am as much a weekend warrior as the rest of em' (in other words, my weekends are packed with maximum anatomy and dialogue review), I am known to doze off from time to time, taking advantage of the fact that, for once, there is nowhere I must be. In the middle of studying my cardiovascular system flashcards, I felt my eyelids turn into 50-ton weights and my eyesight start to sway . . it was clearly time for a quick shut eye. Well wouldn't you know it I woke up 2 hours later to my roommate commenting "well good morning" . . powernap 101: don't sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time. Oops . . Well, Bikram is back and Week 5 is sure to be full of late nights and sleep deprivation so I had better brush up on my powernap 101 . .

All Ears

A mid-week blog is definitely not my norm as my schedule barely allowed for time to call my husband today on our anniversary, but c

All Ears

A mid-week blog is definitely not my norm as my schedule barely allowed for time to call my husband today on our anniversary, but my circumstances are a bit unusual at the moment so I have decided to post an entry quickly. Since approximately last Thursday, I have been suffering from an inability to hear to my normal capacity. The feeling has ranged from one resembling that of water trapped in one's ear canal to actual pain. Not only is this a nuisance to my day to day life but it has made interactions with others a bit awkward as I have had to ask people to repeat themselves numerous times. Not to mention the fact that one of the crucial elements to the Bikram series is the set of balancing postures for which one requires, at the very least, an equilibrium that is fully intact. Over the weekend, my roommate and I were at CVS so I asked the pharmacist for a recommendation for an over-the-counter medication to alleviate my suffering. I walked out with an ear wax removal kit but was skeptical, if I do say so myself, of his diagnosis (I clean my ears daily, thank you very much). By Monday I was not only in severe pain, but was hearing a ringing vibration from both sides of my head. I could barely make it through posture clinic and each yoga class felt like the longest 90 minutes of my life. By the time our 9:30 p.m. Anatomy lecture rolled around I had reached a breaking point and went in search of the staff nurse. And then it happened. I turned into one of the many (many) girls who have lost all control of their emotions here and let it all out in tears (this is very common for BYTT). The second I was in the nurse's presence I found myself crying "I can't hear anything!" and then it was a waterworks show from there . . . she assured me that crying over a physical ailment here at training is very normal and that I needed to see a doctor asap because I probably had an ear infection. "I can't believe I am crying about a f'n ear infection!" I said to her; yet inside I could believe it because of all the stress we have been under and how hard it had been to function under these circumstances. The crying subsided but the aching feeling that I just wanted my mom didn't and I had to remind myself that I am 31 years old and that there are only 6 weeks left of the training (although that wasn't much of a comfort). The nurse excused me from morning class the following day so I could go to the urgent care center down the street. That is where I learned that I did, indeed, have a double ear infection and was prescribed drops, nasal spray and a z-pack. Lovely. I was also excused from class from Tuesday to Friday morning which is IONS in our yoga bubble world. This means that I miss 6 classes (but am still responsible for signing in)!! Although I know my body needs it, I am a bit concerned about how I will feel once I return to my mat on Friday morning. But for now, I have some free time while everyone else is in class. I have been responsibly using this time to study dialogue and have refrained from taking an oh-so-tempting nap in the evening but today I decided to cut myself some slack and blog while my ear drops work their magic. I'm not certain how I even picked up infections in both ears- aren't kids' ears supposed to get infected? I hope it doesn't have anything to do with sweat from class getting trapped in my ear (I know, eew) because I don't see how I can avoid this scenario in the near future . . but if anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears.

All Ears

A mid-week blog is definitely not my norm as my schedule barely allowed for time to call my husband today on our anniversary, but c

This Ain't No 9-5 . . .

Well Week 3 is done and we are definitely in the thick of it and like I said above, this ain't no 9-5 . . and it ain't no picnic either . . . for those who are curious, here is my typical day: alarm goes off at 7 a.m. so I can make coffee in my room (I actually bought a coffee maker because I was investing way too much in the lobby Starbucks), leave a little before 8 for 8 a.m. sign in and class at 8:30-10 . . then we are "free", a term I use with great sarcasm because there is no such thing as "free" time in this yoga boot camp (hence, my infrequency of blog posts), until 12 when we sign in for 12:30 p.m. lecture or posture clinic which runs until 4 when we are dismissed to get ready for 4:30 sign in for 5-6:30 p.m. class . . after which we are "free" again until 9 p.m. when we sign in for 9:30 lecture or posture clinic which runs until approximately 12 a.m. . . and after that we may or may not be watching a Bollywood movie until the wee hours of the morning (this depends entirely on whether Bikram is here, which right now, I hate to say it but fortunately he is not and we are able to get to bed at a respectable hour) . . so that is a day in my life at BYTT. We are now well into the dialogue and moving along at a fast pace through the postures. We are up to Standing Head to Knee and are pretty much at a pace to memorize and practice delivering a posture every 1-2 days. We also are well into our Anatomy lectures and have our first exam on Monday covering the Skeletal, Muscular and Nervous Systems. Talk about flashbacks from 8th Grade, Strong School, Mrs. Conforto's Science class! She must have done a pretty good job drilling in those bones to us because I easily recalled the tibia, fibula and mandible to name a few. As far as memorizing the dialogue goes, I am a phenomenal memorizer when I can write things down but reciting the postures out loud is another story and I freeze up . . add to that my stage fright and it's a bad combination. I was the first in my posture clinic to deliver Back Bending and Padahastasana (Sanskrit for 'Head to Feet' pose) and did well but it was a complete blur to me, I remember nothing from being up there and, honestly, don't think I should be held responsible for anything that came out of my mouth since I was totally on auto pilot . . next was Awkward Pose (Utkatasana) . .which, despite it being one of the longest and trickiest poses, went fairly well . . then there was Eagle Pose (Garurasana) . . I went totally blank in front of the 40 or so other people in our posture clinic and then quickly went into panic mode . .I could feel my knee caps (patellas, by the way;) sweating and my face turning beat red and the more I pushed my mind to recall the next line in the posture the more I saw a blank, white, vast chasm in space . . it is a pretty awful feeling and I vowed never to experience it again (which is precisely why I should be studying and not blogging at the moment). I managed to get them out of the posture which is our ultimate goal: "get them in and get them out" because, as teachers, even if we forget the dialogue we MUST finish the class and so our job is to get them in and out of all the postures . . some f'n how . .some f'n way . . even when the words are GONE . . I am now working on Standing Head to Knee and although I feel relatively confident in my ability to deliver it there is no telling what will happen when I am in front of everyone in Posture Clinic . . so I am nervous and I am hoping these nerves will dissipate as we move through the dialogue.

All that said, I am off to shower and STUDY for the rest of the day, both Anatomy for the exam and dialogue for Posture Clinics . . because times' a tickin' . . .

Over The Moon

Today we finally finished Half Moon presentations. And, as my title indicates, we are, indeed "over the moon" . . I think I can speak for everyone when I say that if I had heard "Everybody together, feet together at the line . . heels and toes touching each other . . arms over your head sideways, palms together . . . " one more time I was going to scream. Especially because, although at one point we were cruising along quite nicely, the final presentations were a bit rocky and painful to listen to, which is most likely precisely why those individuals opted not to go until the end. On the other hand, they did have nearly two full weeks to prepare . . just sayin'. Regardless, we are done and ready and eager to move on to the rest of the dialogue in our posture clinics. This is when all 430 of us are broken down into 20 groups and assigned to a room where we will quickly and intensively learn and present the remaining 25 postures. This is also the point in which the pace picks up a bit and the pressure is on to learn the dialogue and move onto the next posture. I'm pretty psyched about the thought of not having to endure 3+ hours of Half Moon while sitting in chairs that are not conducive to any semblance of comfort whatsoever. Of course, if it were only posture clinics that we were looking forward to then it would be just too easy. Next week we will also be starting our Anatomy lectures and "homework" with Dr. P. This is where we will delve deeper into our study of this practice and learn how each pose contributes to the functioning of different organs in the body. This is a valuable part of the training and important knowledge for us to have as teachers so I recognize its significance; however, I really just want to focus on posture clinics right now and get to know my group. It is in our groups that real friendships and bonds are formed, which isn't to say that genuine friendships have not been established up to this point, but your group becomes your immediate family at this training and the people in it are those that we will rely on the most for support.
On another note . . the heat is back. This statement requires some clarification, I'm sure, since you, as my reader, are operating under the notion that I am at a hot yoga teacher training. Well for several days the temperature in the room dipped to far below the acceptable point for Bikram Yoga. The objective behind the heat is to allow one's muscles to stretch into postures with more ease, to make one's body more agile, and to prevent injury. Many, many trainees were complaining about tight hamstrings and other pain due to the lack of the heat. But, alas, that problem has been solved and the heat is back. This makes for a more intense class and far less injuries so we are happy yogis once again. Rumor has it the heat is back up to around the 130 mark but that is purely hearsay. My personal thermometer would put it somewhere around 110-115 depending on where you are in the room. It feels comparable to my home studio, which is very hot. The only difference is that we don't get the periodic breath of fresh air that is provided by most teachers in New York throughout class by opening doors and/or windows. That was a little tough to deal with in the beginning for me since I expect and have grown quite accustomed to the door or window being opened during Triangle or before Camel . .but this training is all about leaving your expectations behind and accepting circumstances as they truly are, whether it’s about the heat, the length of class (90 minutes is not the norm at training), the teacher, and our schedule. Speaking of which, we had one super late night this week. Bikram had us watch a Bollywood movie with him until 3:30 a.m. but the following night we were in bed by 12:30 a.m. so I really can't complain. We shall see what tonight brings . . .

Today we finally finished Half Moon presentations. And, as my title indicates, we are, indeed "over the moon" . . I think I can speak for everyone when I say that if I had heard "Everybody together, feet together at the line . . arms over your head sideways, palms together . . . " one more time I was going to scream. Especially because, although at one point we were cruising along quite nicely, the final presentations were a bit rocky and painful to listen to, which is most likely precisely why those individuals opted not to go until the end. On the other hand, they did have nearly two full weeks to prepare . . just sayin'. Regardless, we are done and ready and eager to move on to the rest of the dialogue in our posture clinics. This is when all 430 of us are broken down into 20 groups and assigned to a room where we will quickly and intensively learn and present the remaining 25 postures. This is also the point in which the pace picks up a bit and the pressure is on to learn the dialogue and move onto the next posture. I'm pretty psyched about the thought of not having to endure 3+ hours of Half Moon while sitting in chairs that are not conducive to any semblance of comfort whatsoever. Of course, if it were only posture clinics that we were looking forward to then it would be just too easy. Next week we will also be starting our Anatomy lectures and "homework" with Dr. P. This is where we will delve deeper into our study of this practice and learn how each pose contributes to the functioning of different organs in the body. This is a valuable part of the training and important knowledge for us to have as teachers so I recognize its importance; however, I really just want to focus on posture clinics right now and get to know my group. It is in our groups that real friendships and bonds are formed, which isn't to say that genuine friendships have not been established up to this point, but your group becomes your immediate family at this training and the people in it are those that we will rely on the most for support.
On another note . . the heat is back. This statement requires some clarification, I'm sure, since you, as my reader, are operating under the notion that I am at a hot yoga teacher training. Well for several days the temperature in the room dipped to far below the acceptable point for Bikram Yoga. The objective behind the heat is to allow one's muscles to stretch into postures with more ease, to make one's body more agile, and to prevent injury. Many, many trainees were complaining about tight hamstrings and other pain due to the lack of the heat. But, alas, that problem has been solved and the heat is back. This makes for a more intense class and far less injuries so we are happy yogis once again. Rumor has it the heat is back up to around the 130 mark but that is purely hearsay. My personal thermometer would put it somewhere around 110-115 depending on where you are in the room. It feels comparable to my home studio, which is very hot. The only difference is that we don't get the periodic breath of fresh air that is provided by most teachers in New York throughout class by opening doors and/or windows. That was a little tough to deal with in the beginning for me since I expect and have grown quite accustomed to the door or window being opened during Triangle or before Camel . .but this training is all about leaving your expectations behind and accepting circumstances as they truly are, whether it’s about the heat, the length of class (90 minutes is not the norm at training), the teacher, and our schedule. Speaking of which, we had one super late night this week. Bikram had us watch a Bollywood movie with him until 3:30 a.m. but the following night we were in bed by 12:30 a.m. so I really can't complain. We shall see what tonight brings

Over The Moon

Today we finally finished Half Moon presentations. And, as my title indicates, we are, indeed "over the moon" . . I think I can speak for everyone when I say that if I had heard "Everybody together, feet together at the line . . arms over your head sideways, palms together . . . " one more time I was going to scream. Especially because, although at one point we were cruising along quite nicely, the final presentations were a bit rocky and painful to listen to, which is most likely precisely why those individuals opted not to go until the end. On the other hand, they did have nearly two full weeks to prepare . . just sayin'. Regardless, we are done and ready and eager to move on to the rest of the dialogue in our posture clinics. This is when all 430 of us are broken down into 20 groups and assigned to a room where we will quickly and intensively learn and present the remaining 25 postures. This is also the point in which the pace picks up a bit and the pressure is on to learn the dialogue and move onto the next posture. I'm pretty psyched about the thought of not having to endure 3+ hours of Half Moon while sitting in chairs that are not conducive to any semblance of comfort whatsoever. Of course, if it were only posture clinics that we were looking forward to then it would be just too easy. Next week we will also be starting our Anatomy lectures and "homework" with Dr. P. This is where we will delve deeper into our study of this practice and learn how each pose contributes to the functioning of different organs in the body. This is a valuable part of the training and important knowledge for us to have as teachers so I recognize its importance; however, I really just want to focus on posture clinics right now and get to know my group. It is in our groups that real friendships and bonds are formed, which isn't to say that genuine friendships have not been established up to this point, but your group becomes your immediate family at this training and the people in it our those that we will rely on the most for support.
On another note . . the heat is back. This statement requires some clarifications, I'm sure, since you, as my reader, are operating under the notion that I am at a hot yoga teacher training. Well for several days the temperature in the room dipped to far below the acceptable point for Bikram Yoga. The objective behind the heat is to allow one's muscles to stretch into postures with more ease, to make one's body more agile, and to prevent injury. Many, many trainees were complaining about tight hamstrings and other pain due to the lack of the heat. But, alas, that problem has been solved and the heat is back. This makes for a more intense class and far less injuries so we are happy yogis once again (well most of us, there w

Hotel Livin'

I think the longest that I have ever stayed in a hotel was when I was young on vacation with my parents. It was probably only for a few days, 5 at the most, but it was always so exciting for Katie and me. Anyone who knows my family will not be surprised to learn that my parents never made reservations or called ahead of time. Instead, we would drive and keep our eyes peeled for vacancy signs. When my parents spotted one my dad would pull in and go inside to check it out. He would come out and talk to my mom briefly and then she would poke her head in the backseat and look at us as if she had bad news and then would shout, "Get your suits on!!" the way her father used to do to her and her brothers when they were young. We would scream and leap out of the car to start unpacking and head to the hotel's pool. At that point, we would usually be ushered into some back entrance by my dad who had told the hotel that only 2 guests would be occupying the room in order to get the cheaper rate. Once we got to the room, Katie and I would explore every nook and cranny of it and find genuine delight in grabbing the miniature soap and shampoo or playing with the little coffee maker. We would set our stuff up and put our dolls on "our" bed and then quickly change into our suits. Ah . . those were the days . . when staying a hotel was the coolest thing about vacations and life was carefree and entirely fun. Now I find myself in a hotel for 9 weeks with a roommate that I barely know (but really like, btw) and no doll on the bed for comfort. The mere thought of trying to battle the endless line for the limited laundry facilities made me nauseous so I opted to wash my sweaty yoga clothes and a few other items in our bathtub. Now our room is filled with clothes draped over every corner, hook, door knob and piece of furniture. I feel bad subjecting my roommate to this and also realize that the process of evaporation is quite time consuming so I will not be doing this again. So, part of hotel livin' here at the Radisson LAX will be trekking with my sweaty, smelly yoga clothes to a nearby laundromat. As a spoiled New Yorker the mere thought of this makes me want to jump on the next plane back to JFK. What happened to fluff and fold?!?! (For those that don't know, this is the convenient feature offered in the city in which someone will come to your apartment and pick up your dirty laundry, wash it, fold it, and then deliver it to your door for a fee). Needless to say, I am not looking forward to devoting my valuable time to sitting in a laundromat. And, I'm in L.A. for God's sake! The last thing I want to do is spend what little free time we are allotted doing laundry! But that's hotel livin' for ya . .

874 Eyes On Me . . .

Yes, I know. I am way behind in blogging, especially considering training has begun and I have yet to check in here. My apologies; however, that is a reflection of just how busy we have been since day one. I haven't even spoken to my husband since Sunday (sorry, Ror) and I have been woefully neglectful of returning calls and texts (sorry everyone), never mind e-mails. But since at the moment I feel somewhat rested (6 hours of sleep last night) and rejuvenated from a strong morning class (they haven't all been like this) I decided to check back in and post an update on TT so far. As promised, our first week has been filled with excitement, emotion, fatigue, angst, and pain . . yes, pain already. Our first class on Monday was the hottest and hardest class I have ever taken in my 2.5 years of practicing Bikram Yoga. And I certainly wasn't the only one who thought so. People were in and out of the room like it was "Grand Central Station", according to another teacher (this comment was said to us in a scolding manner; for those who don't know, in Bikram Yoga you are encouraged not to leave the room except in cases of emergency (it interrupts your meditation, distracts your fellow yogis and interferes with the collective energy in the room)). But people were, indeed, coming in and out as though the room had a revolving door at its entrance. And rightly so, in my opinion. It was f'n HOT in there. I ran out of water in the standing series (and I bring a LOT of water in to class with me) and panicked so even I left to replenish my supply. I have only left the room on two occasions and both were to use the bathroom. I never anticipated having to leave the room in training. I even told myself I wasn't going to sit out for any postures. But the game here is about survival; whatever it takes to survive in this yoga boot camp is what you do. So rather than beat myself up about leaving (I did come right back to finish out the floor series after furiously chugging water and a Gatorade) I accepted it and moved on. . .next was the beginning of the Half Moon presentations. All 427 of us are expected to stand on the stage in one of the hotel's conference rooms and recite Half Moon (the first posture in the series), with a microphone, in front of Bikram himself and our fellow trainees. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Those who know me know that I am pretty outgoing and I have done some public speaking but I was terrified of getting up in front of everyone and Bikram to do Half Moon. I have been practicing this posture for a few weeks using my husband to demonstrate the posture and was relatively confident in my ability to recite it but the thought of all those eyes on me (874 to be exact; 426 other trainees, Bikram and approximately 10 staff and visiting teachers) was quite alarming. However, regardless of my fear, I was eager to just get it over with. My turn on stage came on day 2 of Half Moon presentations and, if I do say so myself, I nailed it. Bikram simply said, "no corrections", which is a good sign because there were some people for which he had a mouthful of complaints and corrections. For the most part, I must say that Bikram has been very fair, honest, and even generous in his Half Moon critiques. Some people recited it verbatim to how it is written in the dialogue but lacked energy, some were too loud, others were too quiet, some were monotone, and some seemed as though they had never even heard the words in class before never mind had glanced at the dialogue to prepare. And some rocked it completely . . And many were speaking in a language that wasn't their native tongue. At the end of the day, it wasn't that big of a deal but I was grateful for it to be over. We are still finishing up Half Moon and will be until next week, after which we break up into our posture clinic groups and move on to the rest of the dialogue.
As promised, we have had one really late night so far watching a Bollywood film with Bikram (who could hardly contain his excitement for the event). After the movie was over at approximately 3 a.m., Bikram spoke until 3:45. Needless to say, getting up for morning class was no picnic the following day. The next night Bikram lectured for 3 hours, until 1 a.m. but all of our hard work paid off because we were rewarded with Friday night off! So with one class left to go (we don't do a double on Saturday and have no class on Sunday), I feel pretty good about the first week. This being said after my aggravation regarding sleep deprivation and the temperature of the first class has subsided, of course. But, all in all, I am satisfied and ready for the next two months. Now, talk to me in Week 6 and you may here a different story.

"It's never goodbye, it's always see you later"

And so it begins . . 9 weeks in Bikram's 'Torture Chamber' . . I arrived yesterday thanks to Katie who drove me down to L.A. from Santa Barbara . . it was hard to leave SB and the beautiful weather. We arrived during orientation but after registration so Katie stayed up in my room and I attended what was left of the opening events. Bikram was not on the premises yesterday as his opening lecture would be scheduled for today, Monday, at 11 a.m. I met up with my roommate, Jennie, whom I know from practicing at the Upper West Side studio (we requested to room together) and we opted to take advantage of Katie's car and drive to Trader Joe's rather than go right away to the opening reception/buffet. So we stocked up on essentials, including a $17 can opener, and headed back to the room to unpack and get settled. Now came the hard part: saying goodbye to my sister. We had a really nice 5 days together and managed to pack a lot into our short time. I had not seen her since October and likely will not again until TT graduation for which she and Rory are coming to L.A. We tend to like to make our goodbyes as quick and painless as possible so to avoid the inevitable burst of tears and subsequent feeling of emptiness. This time we reminded each other of a phrase that Rory uses when he says goodbye to his family in Jamaica and heads "home" to the U.S. . "It's never goodbye . . it's always see you later" . . that certainly helped when I had to say goodbye to Rory just about a week ago and was comforting when bidding farewell to my sister. So we hugged each other and simply said "see you later".
So, with the first leg of my trip and new life over and TT underway, I am ready to get the show on the road. This morning we were expected in our seats for lecture at 10 a.m. and Bikram spoke at 11 a.m. We surprisingly had about 4 hours of free time and next up is our first class. I can't wait to get in the hot room! See you later!

"Go in peace . . my own peace I give you"

Something that I struggle with internally is spirituality . . or my lack thereof. I was raised Catholic but wasn't baptized until age 10 so it's not something I have always known. Since being confirmed I have not been an active practitioner and take issue with organized religion to such a degree that I couldn't possibly submit to it. I have tried to meditate and can't seem to get past the first few seconds without my mind wandering through all the things I need to get done that day or in life in general. Not that I think I am unique in that aspect. I understand perfectly that achieving true peace and stillness through meditation is a challenge with which most are confronted when they try. I try to read spiritual books or even books from Oprah's book club but find myself gravitating back to the New York Times and books regarding U.S. foreign policy. I have lit candles, incense and put on a Tibetan chants CD but unless I am sipping on a glass of wine while doing so I never really seem to conquer my mind and relax. And here I am in Santa Barbara with my sister who practices Buddhism and has a makeshift temple in her studio complete with offerings and candles. She meditates and practices sun salutations and finds genuine solace in this. I yearn for that level of spirituality but instead find myself trapped, still, even out here, in the New York City mentality and rat race. Not that people in New York don't meditate or aren't spiritual but it's a certain pace at which I am going that is simply not conducive to quieting my mind. When addressing this issue with my sister she reminded me that every time I am in my final savasana after class I am meditating . . every time I am able to quiet my mind that tells, nags at me, to wipe the sweat, scratch the itch or adjust my hair, I am meditating and, therefore, using my own spirituality. And, she's right. When I first started practicing Bikram Yoga I couldn't run out of the room fast enough after I heard the word 'namaste' . . I wanted out of the heat and couldn't wait to gulp down ice cold water. I so wanted to be like that yogi in the corner who not only stayed for full savasana but maintained the proper position throughout its duration (heels touching, arms next to the body, palms up, chin down). Even if I was able to stay for a few minutes I found myself bending my knees, stretching my arms up over my head and darting my eyes around the room. Gradually, I have been able to demonstrate more discipline and to remain in savasana, still and undistracted, for the entire alloted fifteen minutes. In fact, I am usually the last to leave the room and if the next class didn't need access I would likely stay longer. I still struggle with my thoughts . . how thirsty I am, how much I need to get in the shower and then get to my next destination, all I need to do for the rest of the day . . and on and on . .but I close my eyes and remain still and this alone quiets the nagging thoughts. Yesterday, in savasana, while laying in stillness and hearing other people from class get up and leave the room a phrase suddenly popped into my mind, "Go in peace, my own peace I give you" . some of you will recognize that from the Catholic mass. It is a phrase recited at the end of mass as the priest sends us on our way . . anyway, for some reason this phrase popped into my mind as people walked out of the room . . "Go in peace, my own peace I give you" . . I not only had achieved some sense of peace but, apparently, I was willing to share it with others. I had that much peace to spare! I stayed for that final savasana and I questioned why that phrase had manifested in my mind but I had no logical explanation. So, now I realize that I am, indeed, spiritual. Every time I lie in savasana and soak up the incredible vibe produced from class and wish upon my fellow practitioners, "Go in peace" . . "my own peace I give you" . . I realize that I am spiritual and I am always sharing that peace or stillness with others whether or not I realize it. . So, "Go in peace, my own peace I give you" . . .

Something that I struggle with internally is spirituality . . or my lack thereof rather. I was raised Catholic but wasn't baptized until age 10 so it's not something I have always known. Since being confirmed I have not been an active practitioner and take issue with organized religion to such a degree that I couldn't possibly submit to it. I have tried to meditate and can't seem to get past the first few seconds without my mind wandering through all the things I need to get done that day or in life in general. Not that I think I am unique in that aspect. I understand perfectly that achieving true peace and stillness through meditation is a challenge with which most are confronted when they try. I try to read spiritual books or even books from Oprah's book club but find myself gravitating back to the New York Times and books regarding U.S. foreign policy. I have lit candles, incense and put on a Tibetan chants CD but unless I am sipping on a glass of wine while doing so I never really seem to conquer my mind and relax. And here I am in Santa Barbara with my sister who practices Buddhism and has a makeshift temple in her studio complete with offerings and candles. She meditates and practices sun salutations and finds genuine solace in this. I yearn for that level of spirituality but instead find myself trapped, still, even out here, in the New York City mentality and rat race. Not that people in New York don't meditate or aren't spiritual but it's a certain pace at which I am going that is simply not conducive to quieting my mind. When addressing this issue with my sister she reminded me that every time I am in my final savasana after class I am meditating . . every time I am able to quiet my mind that tells, nags at me, to wipe the sweat, scratch the itch or adjust my hair, I am meditating and, therefore, using my own spirituality. And, she's right. When I first started practicing Bikram Yoga I couldn't run out of the room fast enough after I heard the word 'namaste' . . I wanted out of the heat and couldn't wait to gulp down ice cold water. I so wanted to be like that yogi in the corner who not only stayed for full savasana but maintained the proper position throughout its duration (heels touching, arms next to the body, palms up, chin down). Even if I was able to stay for a few minutes I found myself bending my knees, stretching my arms up over my head and darting my eyes around the room. Gradually, I have been able to demonstrate more discipline and to remain in savasana, still and undistracted, for the entire alloted fifteen minutes. In fact, I am usually the last to leave the room and if the next class didn't need access I would likely stay longer. I still struggle with my thoughts . . how thirsty I am, how much I need to get in the shower and then get to my next destination, all I need to do for the rest of the day . . and on and on . .but I close my eyes and remain still and this alone quiets the nagging thoughts. Of course, it helps that I have just contorted my body into 26 postures throughout 90 minutes and in 105 degree heat and practiced two intense and therapeutic breathing exercises prior to lying on my mat in ultimate relaxation.

T Minus Two: Expectations & Curiosity

I am 2 days away from training and filled with both expectations and curiosity as to how it will all play out . . I expect that I will make many, incredible new friends and that these friendships will last a lifetime . .I expect that my body will change and that, at times, I will question why I came to training to begin with .. I expect that my attitude toward the practice will vary throughout the 9 weeks . . I expect that I will miss Rory (my hub) fiercely but I also expect to be so preoccupied and busy that I will have to work to keep in touch with him . . and I expect that no words that I can generate for this blog will ever truly, accurately convey the mind-blowing experience that I will have for the next 2+ months .. but I am also curious about the things about which I don't know what to expect . . from the trivial (or, perhaps, not so trivial) thought of "how much money will I spend?" to the more significant,"what will my posture clinic group be like?" "will I fit into the group dynamics?" and "will my balancing series grow or suffer from 11 classes per week" . . but curiosity did, indeed, kill the cat and I need to "trust the process" and have faith in myself and my practice and trust that everything will fall into place . . so I will try to enjoy my last two days in Santa Barbara and limit the amount of anxiety I have regarding these expectations and curiosities . .

On another note, I had a great day yesterday . . I took class at Bikram Yoga Santa Barbara and I felt really strong and in control of my response to the heat, which although was present, was nothing like New York heat . . I went to an Earth Day 2011 event in downtown Santa Barbara with Katie (my sis) and then we went for sushi at a lovely place on State Street. Being here has definitely exacerbated my disappointment regarding not getting into UCSB. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that something deeper is bringing me to Boulder but I can't help but feel sadness and even resentment about the fact that I was denied admission to UCSB . . Katie and I have not lived near each other since before she left for College of Charleston and we need each other more than ever at the moment . .more on that later. But, I did hear something interesting about Boulder yesterday at the Earth Day event. Apparently "they" (whoever "they" actually are) say that Boulder is Santa Barbara in the mountains and Santa Barbara is Boulder at the beach. I found that to be an especially poignant comparison at a moment when I needed some reassurance that Boulder is where I belong and that I made the right decision in accepting University of Colorado's offer. This decision is not just about me but about me and Rory and in making this decision I am asking him to leave the city he loves, the friends he has made, the soccer teams on which he plays, his family and, of course, his job, which although he is not enamored with it, it is his living . . and I am asking him to go somewhere brand new. I guess this is what being married is all about . . sacrifices and new experiences as a team.

On a lighter note, I am going to sit outside and enjoy the Santa Barbara sunshine and study dialogue. It's hard to concentrate when I have so many expectations and curiosities to fill my mind . . about TT and Boulder . . but it is T minus 2 and I need to get to work!

Insomniac Yogi

It's 1:18 a.m., 4:18 a.m. my time, and here I am quietly creating a blog while my sister sleeps soundly behind me. It's probably not the appropriate time for my first post but I am doing it anyway because starting a blog has been on my never ending 'to do' list for some time and what better time than the present . . when I am exhausted yet bouncing off the walls. Why am I bouncing off the walls? you may ask. Because my life is changing . . big time . . I finally put into motion plans that I have been making in my mind for years, plans that I never thought would come to fruition but are actually coming true in front of my eyes . . finally. After six, arduous years as a paralegal at a commercial litigation firm in Manhattan, I have quit my job and enrolled in Bikram's Yoga College of India's intensive Teacher Training program in hopes of gaining the knowledge necessary to instruct students in the 105 degree, 90 minute class of 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises. But that's not all . . after BYTT I will move from NYC where I have lived for 9 years to Boulder, Colorado, to be a PhD candidate in Diplomatic History. So, as you see, it's no wonder that I am wide awake and my mind is racing at 1:18/4:18 a.m. (I have only been in Cali for 2 days so I am still on East Coast time). And the thoughts that are racing through my head right now are not organized or, perhaps, even logical . . but they are my thoughts, my fears, my hopes . . from 'am I smart enough for a PhD program?' to 'will I be able to survive 11 classes per week for nine weeks?!' to 'hmmm . . will anyone actually read my blog?' . . but I am suppressing these little fears and doing it . . all . . from PhD to hot as f**k yoga to yup, blogging . . because if I can leave financial security and my metropolitan comfort zone and embark on this path to ultimate change then I can do anything . .